I was on a long drive coming back from a kayaking trip recently, chatting away with the friend I was sharing the journey with. At some point, I threw out the conversation starter: “What have been the happiest times of your life, and why?”
When I tried to answer it myself, I realised something – right now might genuinely be the happiest I’ve ever been. That thought stayed with me for the rest of the journey. Why this moment? Why this version of my life?
As a outwardly bubbly person, people often ask me what my ‘secret’ is to being happy and the truth is… I have seven of them! They are things that make both my life and my time on the river feel joyful and meaningful. Pillars if you like, that I try to lead my life by and approach my kayaking with.
So here they are – my 7 secrets to being happy as a white water kayaker, and maybe even a happier human too.
1. Let go of perfection and fall in love with learning
Perfection is an impossible standard
This is a topic I could talk about all day! Perfection is an impossible standard and when the goal is to be perfect or to never make mistakes, you will always be dissatisfied and ultimately unhappy. Even when you do succeed, it does not lead to happiness but rather just the feeling of relief. Focusing on the experience of learning and enjoying the journey without too much stress about the outcome is a much nicer way to approach things!
A growth mindset leads to happiness
Over the last few years, I have really focused on letting go of my perfectionism and working on growing a growth mindset. I have written a bunch of blog articles on the topic which you can read if you are interested in this particular point. The article linked focuses on developing a growth mindset within kayaking, but I have tried to embed this in all areas in my life. One of the most surprising and pleasant outcomes of trying to develop my growth mindset is how much noticeably happier I feel!
When you focus on the process and on making improvements, rather than on achieving an unattainable ideal, the process becomes the thing you enjoy the most. You become more resilient as failure now signals an opportunity to learn instead of a devastating sign of inadequacy and a signal to stop trying. Your self-compassion and self-esteem increase and suddenly you feel calmer, less anxious and care less about what others think. Learning becomes joyful and something that no longer incites fear. You become happier.
Failing is fun!
Last week, I was messing around on an eddy line practising my tailees. I failed one attempt and when I rolled up, someone yelled over to me ‘you can do better than that Del!’. Years ago, this might have upset me – someone had seen me fail. I might even have stopped trying, for fear of failing again and having that person make another comment. Instead, I just laughed and said ‘I can do better ones but not always and that is what I am working on! The fun is in the learning!’ I realised as I said it that I truly and genuinely meant this. It made me happy to reflect on how far I had come.
The first secret to happiness is to embrace failure as an opportunity for learning, let go of trying to be ‘perfect’ and keep the focus on the journey and not the destination! It is not about whether or not you succeed, but rather how you felt during the process of trying to get there!
2. Find joy in the every day and embrace the micro-adventures
what is a micro-adventure
The thing about micro-adventures is that they are just that – micro! Small adventures, often close to home which can therefore be lower effort whilst still being high reward. For me, they are a way to experience the joys of being outdoors (and often on the water) regularly and harvest all of the benefits that comes with that.
I love to go on bigger trips where you get to paddle every day for a whole week or even weeks at a time. However, for most people who are working full time, going on bigger adventures is an occasional thing – not your every day life. Fitting kayaking into your evenings and weekends therefore becomes the thing that sustains you. I love my big adventures but it is the many micro-adventures that fit into your day to day life which keeps me going and brings happiness into my normal working week!
short and sweet
For example, one of the reasons that I have a membership for my local white water course, Holme Pierrepont (HPP), is so that I can paddle for whatever length of time that I wish to without worrying that I am not ‘making the most of it’ for a single paid session. This means that even when I am tired after work and not got much left in the Del energy tank, I can still come down for a short session. I might not do much but simply by being on the water I will inevitably always feel happier than if I hadn’t.
winter magic
Over the winter months, when the rivers of the UK are more likely to be higher and therefore paddleable, weekend kayaking trips becomes the main focus for me. I love obsessively checking the weather as you get closer to the weekend and realising on Friday night that you are in luck! My favourite all time kayaking days have often been on these weekend trips and I love how I will be riding that happy wave for the rest of the week that follows after!
Sometimes in the winter, when the weather means the course is flooded out and yet there are no rivers up elsewhere – you can still get out and enjoy some flat water excitement. In the winter, I will often make the most of the shorter daylight hours and go for a flat water paddle at sunrise or sunset – easy to do when that means 7.30am or 4pm! I always find these paddles magical and there is so much joy to be had in being outdoors during those golden hours.
part of the routine
Making adventure part of your routine is the secret to having it as part of your every day life. Planning small things in wherever you can gives you something to look forward to!
those with children
I do appreciate that there will be people reading this with children (especially young children) who might be struggling to relate to the words of someone whose time is their own.
I don’t have children but I do have many friends who do and somehow who make it work. Couples who go to their local white water course and alternate who paddles and who stays on the side with baby. Families with young children who have embraced canoeing as part of the paddling adventures as it is more family friendly. I cannot speak for people whose shoes I have never stood in but I do think if it is something you really want to make happen – you will. You also might be interested in this article.
3. Care for your body
movement feels good
The older you get, the more you realise that your choices and actions have observable consequences – especially those you make around your body and your health. Looking after yourself physically can make a big difference in how you feel generally and especially on the water. I’m not going to lecture anyone on this but there are certainly a few things that are worth trying to prioritise if you can and things that I have prioritised more over the years that I do feel have made a big difference.
Firstly fitness and agility make such an impact not just on your actual kayaking but in also in how you feel generally. Lots of people tell me I must love running as I regularly post about running on my stories. The truth is I hate running. What I like however is the fitness that comes from regularly going on runs and the feeling of happiness I get post run. I also like the increased agility that comes from stretching occasionally and the strength that comes from doing some basic conditioning exercises every day.
I know I could do more, I absolutely could but I am happy that even with a very busy life, I am able to consistently do something and that makes me feel good. I feel good post exercise but also then on the river day, the increased fitness generally means I can really enjoy the kayaking. I really do believe physical and mental health are closely linked together and for me – having a good base level of fitness makes me happy in itself!
rest and refueling
A big part of your physical health also comes down to what you put in your body in terms of food and drink and also how much sleep you get. Everyone knows eating well is important to feel good but so is limiting how much you drink. Sleeping well can be a little harder to manage, especially those of us whose minds find it hard to switch off!
Each to their own but I know that if I have been eating well, not drank alcohol in a while and got a good night’s sleep – my day will be so much happier than if I didn’t do those things. The reason is that I will have energy to do the things I actually want to!
choosing how to spend your time and energy wisely
For a long time now, adventure has been my priority. This means that I would always choose to get up early on a Saturday or Sunday morning over going out on a Friday or Saturday night. Time is the most precious thing and something I often find I could always do with more of. Therefore I am happier when I feel I am making the most of mine!
4. Focus on relationships and choose people who energise you
the people you are with matter more than the river you are on
Quality relationships with others have a huge impact on long term happiness and can really affect your enjoyment of kayaking. I would always rather choose a day of mediocre kayaking with quality people over quality kayaking with mediocre people. People are what makes the experience special after all!
choosing people who make you feel comfortable
I am quite an emotional person and that feeds into my kayaking. I can get quite anxious and overthink things. Being with people I feel comfortable with massively impacts on my ability to be comfortable, and therefore to paddle to the best of my abilities, whilst on the water. I am happiest when kayaking with friends, regardless of what that kayaking entails!
All of my ‘biggest’ days in kayaking where I have really pushed myself and succeeded have been with people who I feel incredibly comfortable with. These people knew me and knew what I need to feel supported. They were able to offer the right level of support and encouragement. Sharing a big moment with close friends who understand how important that moment is to you and potentially the journey you took to get to that moment is incredibly special and will always be more meaningful than experiencing it alone.
friendship is fun!
It’s not just about what you are able to ‘achieve’ on the water when you are with close friends, but also about the quality of the overall experience of that paddling day. When you paddle with friends, you get all of the jokes, laughter and general banter that comes with being around your friends. Whether it is a single day’s adventure, or a bigger trip, it is these non-kayaking moments which makes the trip so memorable. Feeling connected to others gives us the sense that we matter and that makes everyone feel good.
summer silliness at hpp
As I write this it is Summer and I have just come back from a session at my local course, HPP. I’ve been with a couple of friends and we have been setting silly challenges for each other (splat that wall, surf that wave backwards, tailee on that boil etc). I had spent a lot of time upside down but I would always be laughing as I rolled back up. I don’t know if I’ve actually got better at anything kayaking wise but I had had a lot of fun! For me, this is what Summer HPP sessions are all about – silly fun with friends!
friendships are grown not given
It worth remembering that good friendships are built over time. What you put in with determine what you get out of a friendship. If you want to be closer with others, take the first step and initiate that connection and then make the effort to sustain it. For some, that might feel scary, but it is worth it!
thank you friends
I am grateful to all my friends and closer acquaintances – they bring much joy and fulfilment to my life. So if any of them are reading this, I want to know how much I appreciate them! Special shout out to Tamsyn and Chips who both claim they read every single one of my articles – appreciate you!
5. Find purpose
purpose gives you a direction and meaning in your life
Having a purpose gives you both a direction in your life and a sense of meaning. It can help guide you during difficult times and whilst it might not always lead to constant happiness, it does lead to a deeper sense of fulfilment. For me, feeling fulfilled and with a clear direction makes me feel happy.
a goal to work towards
Within kayaking, having purpose means two different things for me. Firstly, this could be a purpose of working towards a particular goal or challenge. For example, in the lockdowns, I really struggled with the isolation as I am someone who thrives through being able to connect with others. The long winter lockdown of 2020/2021 was difficult but something that really helped me to get through it was through having a challenge to train for.
I had agreed to take on a 24-hour kayaking challenge for charity in the April and so the first 3 months of 2021 had the sole purpose of training for that challenge. I created a training plan in which to stick to and suddenly life became manageable again. I had a direction and something to work towards. 2-3 hours of kayaking every day, regardless of the weather gave me a focus. I wouldn’t have said I was happy during those months, but I was certainly very fulfilled and that helped me to be okay!
commmunity based purpose
The second kind of ‘purpose’ I find within kayaking is through being actively involved and contributing to the community. This purpose is strongly linked to building relationships with others as it is all about connecting with people. For me, the kayaking community means the world and so giving back to this community where I can is something that brings me great fulfilment.
purpose doesn’t always make life easier but it does make life meaningful
I am involved in so many different community events that it really does take up all my remaining free time. I am often tired from doing too much and must make small personal sacrifices in order to be involved in so many things. You might wonder how that could possibly make me happy. For me, the question is not ‘does this make me happy?’ but rather ‘why is this worth doing?’ That why drives me as I am sure it does for all volunteers. The answer is often because whatever you are are doing matters.
Meaning comes from feeling that your life matters and aligns with your values. The hardships and sacrifice that might be required are worthwhile because it is pursuit of something important to you. The sense of direction makes life richer and more satisfying in the long run. I know what I am doing makes a positive difference and this I would say brings me happiness.
6. The joy of being unapologetically yourself!
the best advice i was ever given
My favourite piece of advice I was ever given and one I love to share with others is this:
Always be yourself. If you do so, then you will attract the kind of people you get along with.
growing as a person
So much of my teenage years were spent trying to ‘find myself’ whilst simultaneously deliberately hiding parts of myself from the world. When I moved into my adult years, I became a lot more relaxed about ‘being myself’ and it was such a relief. Being your authentic self is joyful – no matter how strange people might think you are. (Spoiler alert, we are all strange. The ones who admit that just also happen to be happy!)
weird and wonderful: what is means to be myself
I am a grown adult who wears a matching bright yellow bucket hat and yellow crocs to most events to match my custom coloured bright yellow kayaks. The teenagers at my school call me ‘Miss Minion’ or ‘The one who likes canoeing’. I am not afraid to be silly in front of others or get excited over the smallest of things and share that with people.
I love easily and passionately and like to make sure my friends know that. I love things that are childish and can find magic in the every day – rainbows, sunsets and sunrises are my favourite. When I go kayaking I get really excited and I am not ashamed about that. I don’t know how to be anyone other than myself. And so I am 100% myself.
not everyone will like you and That’s is okay
I know I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I know there will be people who find me annoying, who think I am too loud, too bright, too happy (especially in the mornings) or just simply too much. This is okay because not everyone needs to like me.
your friends choose you
But I also know that my friends, the people who choose to be in my life and who want me in theirs, love me for who I am. My friends like it when I get excited about the little things and talk too much on car journeys and leave them voice notes about days on the river where I saw a cool looking duck and it made me think of them. What you see with me is what you get. My friends are the people who saw me, choose to love me and I love them in return.
So my penultimate secret to being happy is simply to be yourself. In doing so you will find the kind of unconditional love that happens when people fully share themselves with others and accept each other for who they genuinely are.
7. End each day with gratitude and look for the positives
be grateful
This last ‘secret’ is short. Be grateful for what you have.
Every day when I go to sleep, I list every good thing that has happened to me that day on my fingers. Even on my worst days, I can still often get to at least 10 good things from my day. I end my day reflecting on that and choosing to be grateful for it.
look for the positives
Without sounding like a cheesy online wellness influencer, practising positivity and gratitude is a choice. Doing this on a regular basis can genuinely reframe how you feel about your life. I am a glass half full kind of person and I do believe that everyone can find the positives if they are willing to look for them.
Every day I spend on the river, I reflect on every good thing (no matter how small) that happened during that day either on the journey home or before bed. Not every day on the river is a good one (some are in fact really awful) but most days on the river have so many things to be grateful for. You just need to look for them.
Final thoughts
So there you go – my 7 secrets to being happy as a white water kayaker! I am not happy all of the time but I am happy quite often or at least I try to be positive in my outlook on life and in kayaking. Feel free to share some of my secrets with others or comment below to share your own secrets to be happy below.
Happy paddling!
